She’s Back
Where tf did she go?
Well, that’s a loaded question. Are we talking literally or metaphorically?
It started off with dealing with an insane amount of heartbreaks. From my first “adult” breakup to my aunt, who was my literal rock, unexpectedly passing. That wasn’t (and still isn’t) easy. If there’s anything I’ve learned from these experiences, it’s that life keeps moving. With or without people. And you, you have to keep moving too. Don’t take people for granted, because you never know how long your time with them may last.
Physically, I went on a tattoo tour! Wild to actually say that I did this. It may not seem like a huge deal… especially to other artists who do it all the time. But it was huge to me because I literally had no idea what I was doing… and just ”did”. I was terrified to do this, especially alone. Yet I was so desperate to leave because it felt scarier staying in a place where I couldn’t breathe anymore.
When I first started tattooing, one of my many dreams within my tattooing dream was to “travel and tattoo” and I did it??? All by myself?? With the worst thing that happened being I left trails of clothing and belongings in pretty much each city… which only made my suitcase lighter. So actually, not too bad after all. AND I came back feeling lighter, like I could breathe again?! Who would’ve thunk it. Not i.
But here I am, back in New York, with new eyes. Well, not literally, still got my same ol’ wiggly, blurry, not-so-great vision “eyes”, BUT I can see so much more clearly now, with new perspective, all because of this little, silly, awesome adventure I went on.
So that’s where I’ve been. This is where I am
Let’s, take it back now y’all! (one hop this time)
you get it?… chacha slide? … you know early 2000s song?
Anyhoooooo
I am not sure what I expected when I set out on this journey. All I knew was I needed a change of scenery. Growing up, not by choice, I was extremely adaptable because either we were moving for the 2nd time within one year… Every. Dang. Year. Or shit was just popping off, which forced us to make shift and keep on pushin’ through. Therefore, as an adult, adaptability became my superpower. Until…. it wasn’t. I got way too cozy and comfy in the bubble I created for myself. I used to be textbook type B — so go with the flow, nothing could get in my way, very much “eh, whatever happens, happens”… almost TOO nonchalant. Then without realizing it, I started to become this type A, rigid, structured, schedule-hour-by-hour anxiety human. Lost all sense of “flow” known to man.
I was ready for change… actually craving it. I was struggling with extreme anxiety weeks before leaving, where I would get panic attacks just from leaving my apartment (very out of character for me, clearly something was off). I was terrified to do this, especially alone, but yet was so desperate to leave because it felt scarier staying in a place where I couldn’t feel like I could breathe anymore. I missed my adventurous “fuck it” mentality. I wanted a challenge, a chance for growth, new insight, new environment, new people — new, new, new. I thrive in change. Well, when I’m in the thick of it I don’t see that… but once I’m out? Yes. Just yes. And I needed that.
So I expected that. I expected I was going to be challenged and my adaptability superpower was going to have to come out of hiding. What I didn’t expect was the characters in my story along the way and how much of an impact they would have made on me.
Now, I want to give such an emphasis on the people in my story because most of this time I was actually alone. I mean… there was moments. but big chunks of those moments and because of that - a time I got to interact with someone new or familiar it just felt so very special.
My people always hold a special place in my heart, but this experience illuminated how much people really do matter — no matter if they are the main characters or side/supporting roles. So instead of telling my story like anyone would. Let me just tell you about the people. Because they’re the ones who made this journey, worth it.
It all started in Chicago a smaller NY id say..
Jeanette, an old roommate who is now like an older sister to me — someone I look up to and admire. She’s a loyal, down-ass, punk-ass, bad bitch who will throw hands for people and almost did with a crazy ass dude harassing some girls. She let me stay at her place with her and her fur baby family (two cats and a pup), and she introduced me to her people that I now adore, her new city, her Pop Mart collection, her world.
Kelly, the owner of what is now one of my favorite tattoo studios, Speak Easy Tattoo, who sat with me and told me the whole history and upbringing of the studio her and her husband Patrick built. Within that, the sweet artists / guest artists and shop assistants who all were there to chat with me.
Colorado was rough .. busy tattooing and not enough exploring
But there was the apprentices who were always there to answer my million and one questions and would let me chat away when feeling yappy. Shoutout Kenzie and Joy!
The lovely server, Coley, who ended up sitting and chatting with me at one of the best restaurants I have ever eaten at in Denver! I forgot the name otherwise I would insert here ..
Then came Seattle. I learned from Colorado. So i actually made time to actually do things i wanted too.
there was The dope ass barber who cut my hair last minute and also let me yap Here’s ear off
The cutest gay couple next to me at the Jonas Brothers concert who let me scream at the top of my lungs the entire show … and who then also gave me a list of must-explores in Seattle that I did end up doing and saw some breathtaking views because of!!
The two sweetest artists in Seattle that I instantly clicked with and who welcomed me with wide arms at their studio, Billie and Shaine <3
Michelle and Sindy, a reconnection of one of my fav couples from my Starbucks era in Hollywood, but now live in Washington, yapping about gayness over sushi -i met them when I was “straight” there was a lot of catching up to do lmao
A past lover from a chapter a long time ago that I finally got to close that was so healing and needed.
.. ”IM GOING BACK BACK TO CAL” my actual home
Areta, a fabulous 81-year-old dermatologist, my Airbnb host who would visit me daily while I was staying at her place. We ended up bonding over a bug crisis, and later she gave me this intense facial. She also had a bunny I would hang out with every morning that made my soul so very happy. (Now I want a bunny)
The owner of Inkindle, Anastasia, whose space made me feel so comfortable and welcomed. She and her space reminded me a lot of my mentor back home, so it was instantly comfy there. She also has the sweetest most talented apprentice Divina (you’re killing it girl, keep it up)
My surprise visit from Heather. A soul sister of mine who keeps me grounded and with whom I always feel held. She creates a feeling of home whenever she’s around.<333
My brothers bestfriend, Hunter, from japan who just moved to LA so he grabbed a beer with my dad & I!
Anne Marie, who I got to cry with and hold when talking about my aunt, her best friend.
My mom, who let me tattoo her, and for the first time in a long time, I felt like we genuinely bonded. She was also so badass getting a foot tattoo for her first tattoo, and I was so proud of everything she’s been doing lately! You go mom lol
My dad And Lesly, who let me constantly bug them and pop in and out of their place to eat all their food like I was a teenager again lol, and he too also let me tattoo him. I’ve never felt so supported and trusted by both him and my mom.
My sweet Nana, who finally opened up to me and let me take her (and my mom) out to the movie theaters.
Ending in Joshua Tree. the softest most chillest way to end this adventure
With my high school best friends, Yiannis (and baby Ro in her tummy) and Alicia, who always without fail brought out uncontrollable laughter, deep talks, tons of tears, a broken wine glass, one burnt arm on the stove, the best ever home cooked meals, matching Halloween PJs .. the bestest of friends someone could ever ask for!
Now lastly, but most importantly!!! My clients who made this all possible from this trip. Because of each and every one of them, I was able to experience all of this.. this little story within my bigger life story. When I felt like I wanted to give up, it was through our tattoo sessions, our yaps, that made me want to keep going. I am forever grateful for you;
Liz, Amanda, Jordan, Jason, Maddie, Stacy, Rebecca, Tiffany, Pratidhi, Bri, Christina, Dru, Sheela, Kristy, Kira, Colleen, and Chris.
<33
These are my characters from just one of my stories, but because of every single one of them, they made me realize how important community and connection is. It’s actually not scary at all sparking up random conversations with strangers, but actually very fulfilling. Stick up for what’s right. That distance doesn’t mean anything when the love is there. Patience is key. Hold the ones you love closely, but not too tight. Ask questions. Listen. Letting go can be one of the most freeing things you can do. Crying isn’t weakness. Love is surrounding you in every corner. Embrace it. Embrace all of life. Don’t just put your head down and grind. Look up and see what life really has to offer you. It’s actually quite pretty and awesome if you give it a chance.
Yes, technically this tour was to tattoo. But instead, it ended up being a way back to parts of myself I didn’t even know I had lost.
I learned the journey is never what you set out to do , “make tattoos” , it’s all the moments in between. The connections you make, the experiences along the way, the joy, the newness, the insights, the yap sessions, the little things that make up one big thing.
I am beyond grateful for this opportunity, and thank you to everyone who was a part of it. What a way to end my 20s era on my road to 30.
I wonder what the 30s will bring? Guess we will find out real soon.
With love,
Angelina